If you've spent more than 5 minutes with me over the last 5 months then you've heard me talk excitedly about my newfound single-hood. There has been a LOT of traveling, in fact one of my BFFs asked me if I even lived in Atlanta anymore. (The answer is 'yes' I do still live in Atlanta, and I also live at the Atlanta airport. Shout out to the SkyClub at concourse B!)
This stage in my life has been named and re-named a few times and to be completely forward with you guys.. the current operating title is 'Hoe phase'. ;) I'm out there letting my freak flag fly and enjoying every minute of it. Don't get me wrong, cashing 'flirt' checks isn't how I fill the entirety of my time, but it holds a pretty big piece of the pie-chart.
For the first time in five and a half years I am living life on my own, but I am not 'alone'.
I'll admit that even though my relationship ended amicably, at first I was a little bitter and lost. My ex got to 'keep' our circle of friends. He 'got' to keep the apartment. Outside of no longer having me in his life (which as we all know is a terrible thing since I am so amazing hahahahaha) it seemed as if he didn't really have anything that changed. He owns a lot of clothes so at the very best he got to take over a second closet. I was the one that was immediately thrown into finding a new circle of friends, creating new routines, and frequenting foreign coffee shops.
It took me all of about a week to get over the feeling of eye-rolling bitterness. To my surprise, the relationships and experiences that I have had over the last 5 months have been extraordinary. It really is fascinating the experiences that are easy to say 'YES' to when you have zero commitments telling you to say 'NO'. Of course right now my only voice-of-no is my wallet ;) I've met more people, travelled to more places, and tried more new experiences than I did in five and a half years.
I say this to say. I am not 'alone'.
A girlfriend and I had dinner a few months ago and she asked me if I was worried that I had spent 5years of my life with someone and had to 'start over' by being alone in my 30s. Let's all give her a bit of grace and assume she didn't mean that in a completely demeaning way. Had I not known this girl for 25 years I probably would have been offended, but I wasn't. There are as many different values as there are people in this world, and I've never been one to really have a romantic relationship as a top value.
The idea of not really caring either way about having a relationship with someone else is a foreign concept to some. With regards to the subject of boudoir, I'm often met with puzzled faces when I mention that a boudoir session is often done because my clients want the photos for 'just' themselves.
"Just".
Fuck that word.
"Just" yourself is enough. There is no one on this earth that you should love and honor more than yourself. It is wonderful to love someone else and to be loved by someone else, but you are also enough when you are "just" you. If you aren't in a romantic partnership you are not alone. I am not alone. If you ARE in a romantic partnership, you are not alone. I am not alone. We are living our lives. We may go to bed solo or *feeling* solo, but we are not alone. We have a world of common interests (I mean, you are reading this blog... presumably with like ONE other person) that gives us community.
My girlfriend I was talking about is constantly trying to hook me up with any single male she meets.
"Just go on ONE date" she says.
"I do not want to date anyone" I say.
"Just ONE" she says.
::there's that word 'just' again::
"I do not want to date anyone" I repeat.
"Ok well keep thinking about it" she forces.
::eye roll::
I am not alone. I am ME. And I am enough. You are not alone. You are YOU. And you are enough.
And because I guess I am a photographer, here are some pics of me at some of my sessions... every image was taken for me and "just" me "alone". ;)
photo credit David Wittig
Photo credit David Wittig
Photo credit Ryan Myers
Photo Credit Ryan Myers
