"Stop saying 'I'm sorry' for things that you have no control over!"

Those are the words that my boyfriend repeated to me at least 4 times last night (and once this morning at 4am as I was dropping him off at the airport). 

He had just spent 7 hours at the Atlanta airport, two of those being on the tarmac, watching his flight get indefinitely delayed. After they deplaned he came home, understandably frustrated, and parked on the sofa. I greeted him with a hug and a kiss and an "I'm sorry about your flight". He hugged and kissed me back and we proceeded to order pizza and scrounge up some clean underwear for him to pack (since we also have no idea where his bag is at this point). 

For the remainder of the night I said "I'm sorry" for a variety of things. 

"I'm sorry about your laundry"

"I'm sorry that we couldn't get the pizza that you like"

"I'm sorry about the mess at the airport"

"I'm sorry you have to get up so early for your flight"

"I'm sorry they don't know when your flight is going to be"

I think I was about to bleat out my 87th "I'm sorry...." when Frank finally stops me and sternly says "Stop saying 'I'm sorry' for things that you have no control over". 

Of course my knee-jerk response was "I'm sorry" (but I used my willpower and refrained). What he had said really struck me. It wasn't because I felt like he wasn't hearing my empathy for his situation, but because I knew the "I'm sorry" reaction was indicative of a few bigger issues.

One issue of course is that I'm too lazy to more specifically express how I feel... hence using "I'm sorry" for when Frank's flight was delayed and also using "I'm sorry" for punching someone in the face (obviously two totally different things, and also the punching is hypothetical).

The second issue is that I realized my immediate response to ANY kind of inconvenience, especially when it happens to someone else, is to apologize for it. I swear, I would say "I'm sorry" to someone that backed into MY parked car. I find myself apologizing for getting bumped into on the sidewalk by someone not paying attention. I've probably apologized to an ex because HE cheated on me.

You see what I mean? 

This whole "sorry" problem came from somewhere, and I have no idea where. I honestly think that most women suffer from chronic "I'm sorry"-ness and we rarely recognize it (unless of course someone calls us out on it). It wasn't until Frank had to AGAIN say to me this morning "Stop apologizing for things that aren't your fault!" –after I apologized for having to take him to the airport– that it finally clicked. 

So, you've heard it here first folks.... I'm vowing to stop saying "I'm sorry" to things that aren't my fault, and promising to put more energy toward using other expressions to express empathy and understanding. 

If you suffer from "I'm sorry"-ness then STOP (as Frank would say). Take ownership of your existence and stand up for yourself. Also... if you come up with other expressions, like: "That's unfortunate", then please send me a list. I'm going to need all of the help I can get.

Sorry for the long post :), 

Sarah

If you've spent more than 5 minutes with me over the last 5 months then you've heard me talk excitedly about my newfound single-hood. There has been a LOT of traveling, in fact one of my BFFs asked me if I even lived in Atlanta anymore. (The answer is 'yes' I do still live in Atlanta, and I also live at the Atlanta airport. Shout out to the SkyClub at concourse B!)

This stage in my life has been named and re-named a few times and to be completely forward with you guys.. the current operating title is 'Hoe phase'. ;) I'm out there letting my freak flag fly and enjoying every minute of it. Don't get me wrong, cashing 'flirt' checks isn't how I fill the entirety of my time, but it holds a pretty big piece of the pie-chart. 

For the first time in five and a half years I am living life on my own, but I am not 'alone'.  

I'll admit that even though my relationship ended amicably, at first I was a little bitter and lost. My ex got to 'keep' our circle of friends. He 'got' to keep the apartment. Outside of no longer having me in his life (which as we all know is a terrible thing since I am so amazing hahahahaha) it seemed as if he didn't really have anything that changed. He owns a lot of clothes so at the very best he got to take over a second closet. I was the one that was immediately thrown into finding a new circle of friends, creating new routines, and frequenting foreign coffee shops. 

It took me all of about a week to get over the feeling of eye-rolling bitterness. To my surprise, the relationships and experiences that I have had over the last 5 months have been extraordinary. It really is fascinating the experiences that are easy to say 'YES' to when you have zero commitments telling you to say 'NO'. Of course right now my only voice-of-no is my wallet ;) I've met more people, travelled to more places, and tried more new experiences than I did in five and a half years. 

I say this to say. I am not 'alone'. 

A girlfriend and I had dinner a few months ago and she asked me if I was worried that I had spent 5years of my life with someone and had to 'start over' by being alone in my 30s. Let's all give her a bit of grace and assume she didn't mean that in a completely demeaning way. Had I not known this girl for 25 years I probably would have been offended, but I wasn't. There are as many different values as there are people in this world, and I've never been one to really have a romantic relationship as a top value.

The idea of not really caring either way about having a relationship with someone else is a foreign concept to some. With regards to the subject of boudoir, I'm often met with puzzled faces when I mention that a boudoir session is often done because my clients want the photos for 'just' themselves.

"Just". 

Fuck that word. 

"Just" yourself is enough. There is no one on this earth that you should love and honor more than yourself. It is wonderful to love someone else and to be loved by someone else, but you are also enough when you are "just" you. If you aren't in a romantic partnership you are not alone. I am not alone. If you ARE in a romantic partnership, you are not alone. I am not alone. We are living our lives. We may go to bed solo or *feeling* solo, but we are not alone. We have a world of common interests (I mean, you are reading this blog... presumably with like ONE other person) that gives us community. 

My girlfriend I was talking about is constantly trying to hook me up with any single male she meets.

"Just go on ONE date" she says.

"I do not want to date anyone" I say.

"Just ONE" she says. 

::there's that word 'just' again::

"I do not want to date anyone" I repeat.

"Ok well keep thinking about it" she forces. 

::eye roll::

I am not alone. I am ME. And I am enough. You are not alone. You are YOU. And you are enough.

And because I guess I am a photographer, here are some pics of me at some of my sessions... every image was taken for me and "just" me "alone". ;) 

photo credit David Wittig

Photo credit David Wittig

Photo credit Ryan Myers 

Photo Credit Ryan Myers